The Way of Holy Terror: An Invitation (Part I)
Where have I been?
This is The Meadow, a place to create space for those seeking to be more fully awake and alive in the world.
I had unofficially shuttered this Substack, tired of speaking to the void. But lately, I can’t stop thinking about writing again. I am not sure where this will lead, but for now, I have two posts to share from November of last year. If any of this writing stirs anything in you, I would love to hear from you.
From 11/12/23: The Way of Holy Terror: An Invitation (Part I)
It’s inviting the Lord into all moments.
It’s a yielding
Like surrender
Like sexual intimacy
It’s allowing oneself to be seen naked
Vulnerable
Imperfect
Wanting
It’s not — a turning away, hiding, constricting
It’s welcoming
It’s going into the pain
I spend most of my hours, days, weeks, months avoiding this.
But sometimes I remember
And then sometimes I have the courage to whisper the tiniest
Yes
A gasp
A quickening
Grief at separation usually follows
And the touch doesn't last
Nothing lasts. Nothing
Not on this plane
The second to last sip of coffee
That for once is just right
Paired with the perfect bite of
Toast and egg
The loss of it, the
Emptiness that follows
It’s the moment
Before orgasm—when
All things are possible
When your souls sings YES
YES YES to it all
And we dissolve into light
Only to wake and our lover has left us
Alone in the bed
It doesn’t last
We are called to make dinner, or the plumbing needs to be fixed, Mom is coming over, better start a pot of coffee. I feel a tickle in my throat, I’m getting sick. The baby is crying. My boss is texting me—he needs to meet.
I just want a moment of complete quiet.
I don’t want to hear the TV in the background, the garage door opening, my son’s laughter at a YouTube video. I don’t want to hear my neighbor’s lawn guys blowing the leaves off his yard. I don’t want to hear the neighbor’s car stereo blasting hip hop.
I want to hear nothing but that silent hum that underlies all the noise.
That unbroken uncreated lushness that feeds me, carries me, guides me, saying, without words
This is the way.
Walk in it.
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Michele, this is a beautiful poet reflection. I can relate to the juxtaposition of satisfaction and longing. I especially liked the line about the second to the last sip of coffee and the bite of toast and egg.