the meadow: play
a key for unlocking difficult situations
This is The Meadow. Michele's weekly-ish essay for those seeking to be more fully awake and alive in the world.
From a young age, I have been fairly obsessed with the question of how to live well. How to make the most of each day. How to live a good life, not just morally “good,” but good in the sense of fully alive and awake to the wonder of living.
As I’ve grown older, with heavier responsibilities, and a history of losses, failures, illnesses, and other sorrows, I’ve found life feeling “heavier” as well. Sometimes, it has felt so heavy that just to start the day felt like a burden.
And yet, I have found that there is an attitude that can help me be present and more alive to the moment, even if it’s a difficult one. That attitude, I call “play.” And in my life, when I remember it, it has functioned like a key to unlock greater joy, openness, curiosity, and enjoyment of my life. It counteracts the heaviness with an attitude of experimentation and lightness, subverting the “shoulds” and “have tos” that plague us as adults.
What I mean by play is not frivolous or giddy or light-hearted. I mean, it could be, but it could also mean playing with being focused, being serious, being deliberate. It’s an attitude and not an emotion. The point is the mental attitude underneath. It’s a kind of lightness, curiosity, and openness to experimentation. Not taking oneself too seriously. Having a sense of wonder.
Vygotsky, the famous Russian developmental psychologist, thought play was a powerful means of trying on behaviors that were just beyond our reach. For example, preschool children are often unable to stand still. But if you tell them that they are sentries standing guard over a treasure and must not move, then they can stand still for much longer than if you just tell them to stand still. Play allows us to move beyond our current abilities.
I have taken the mental attitude of play at various points in my life to find new ways of approaching difficult situations.
Here’s a recent example.
A few days ago, my 17 year old son’s alarm kept going off just as I sat down in a room across the house to begin my morning meditation practice. I was irritated at noise. He doesn’t wake easily, so my son sets multiple loud, annoying alarms to repeat at various intervals over the course of 30 minutes each morning. This time, he didn’t turn the alarm off, so I kept hearing the loud beeping. It was impossible to focus. I considered meditating through the noise, which would be good practice, but I didn’t feel like doing that.
As the alarm continued, my irritation increased, and part of me wanted to stomp over there and yell at him to turn off the alarm. Instead, I thought of play: I wondered how I could play with the act of walking to his room and asking him to turn off the alarm. Hmm, perhaps I could bear crawl across the house to his room? This would feel good in my body and further help prepare me for meditation. Just as I started to bear crawl, my son turned off the alarm, and I returned to my zafu to sink into truly silent meditation.
What was so cool about this was that I didn't "leave" myself and then return to myself. Rather, I was with myself the whole time, so the moment didn't pose an interruption to my meditation and prayer time. It was part of it.
What if I treated all "interruptions" like this? Not as events outside my narrative of the day, but as worth being present for as well?
Lecturing to myself to "be present" doesn't work for me though. This just inspires the rebel in me. However, the idea of playing with the moment is much more fruitful (and fun).
What about you? Is there any area where you can bring a more playful attitude to overcome some obstacle you are facing?
With much love and big hugs,
Michele
Photo by Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash
I look forward to your thoughts and comments. It feels wonderful to connect with others who share a similar commitment to waking up and living life more fully alive. I want to learn from your experiences, and I hope what I write is of some help or comfort too.
If you know of someone who might be interested in joining us in the Meadow, I would be so grateful if you shared this with them.
Yay for play!! It is one of my biggest pleasures, and transforms any situation. I especially like to play with others. Conversation, collaboration, basketball -- I love connecting and creating in that way.